oo1 ♞ video.

[compulsions]

[That may or may not be a very faint bruise across the bridge of his nose. Elena's arm swing is a little stronger than it used to be and apparently he bruises now which is perfect.]

So how's being in the real world working out for everyone? Scale of zero to zero.

Remember, don't hurt yourselves with those brand new toys.

[Especially you, Elena.]

Comments

video;

[coy]

Damon? [Any familiar face is a good face. Kinda. Sorta.]

video;

[compulsions]

Caroline. [Apocalypse blondie. Well, it could've been the other one. There's only the vaguest hint of surprise to see her before it vanishes.] Missing your curlers yet?

video;

[coy]

[Glare. Nevermind. Your face is not welcome, Damon. But it's better than nothing. Arms crossing and moving on.] Are you the only one here? I mean... have you seen anyone else?

video;

[compulsions]

[Glare met with a brief flash of classic smugness.]

Elena's here. You? And if you answer yes, please tell me it's someone useful like Bonnie and not [anyone else in Mystic Falls, possibly minus Stefan] ...the quarterback.

video;

[undying]

[Guess it's nice he had the surprise of Mr. Emotionless Ripper himself, otherwise hearing (and seeing? What the hell, video phones) another vampire who is terribly familiar (and somewhat unwanted) would surprise him.

Okay. It still kind of does. Alaric even hesitates to respond, a) because he's still pissed, shitty apology or not, and b) ... he's still pissed. It's a good enough excuse. But. Devil that you know and all that.

Also, survival.]

Your brother almost shot me in the head.

video;

[compulsions]

[—Rick? Great. That's just what they need right now. Thing is, Rick's face should've been welcome, but psychotic and undead? Not so much.]

Your tone indicates I'm supposed to think that doesn't even things out. You know. Barely.

video;

[undying]

[He'd love to know what he did to deserve a bolt to the face.

Also, seriously? Hearing this from the guy who killed him a week ago makes him want to throw the freaking phone.] Even things out? Between the two of you, that's not gonna happen.

video;

[compulsions]

Where is Stefan, anyway? It sounds like you decided to leave him alive.

[God knows why. He'd say to protect Elena, no doubt, but Rick can't know Elena is here.]

video;

[sainted]

[Stefan feels his heart stop when he sees his brother's face on his phone. The dryly sarcastic cadence of his voice, sharpened by decades of bitterness. It's him, without a doubt, and if this is Damon and that's Caroline and Alaric is skulking around elsewhere...]

Is she here?

video;

[compulsions]

Yes, Stefan. Your girlfriend is here.

video;

[sainted]

She's not anything to me. [The response is automatic, with a sharp enough snap in it to belie any pretense that he doesn't care anymore. This is not good. He should've given himself more time before replying, more time to collect himself, but all he feels is anger over being here and annoyance over Alaric's company and a sudden rising panic as he wonders where Klaus is.

Stefan's finger brushes over the button to cut the call, but it's already too late. This conversation is public. Running out now would say more than staying and bantering pointlessly, so he forces himself to get a grip and change the subject.]

Did you read the pamphlets?

video;

[compulsions]

Seriously? Didn't we move past this I'm-a-bloodthirsty-dick-with-no-humanity phase, brother?

[Don't tell him they're back at that because Damon's gonna throw Stefan to the ground again. Possibly on top of something sharp and wooden.]

No, I just threw them away immediately so I've got no clue what's going on. Of course I read them. What about it?

video;

[coy]

[Okay, a familiar face! One that doesn't want to kill her or isn't a total dick. Yay!]

Stefan!

video;

[sainted]

...Caroline.

[There's no hiding the faintly bewildered surprise in his expression as Caroline bounds onto his video screen, all blonde hair and determined cheer. For a split second, all he sees is Lexi, arms folded, with that painfully familiar what-am-I-going-to-do-with-you look as she surveys his latest bloody accident.

The resemblance fades. Guilt and shame stays. Stefan shuts his eyes.]

What are you doing here?

video;

[coy]

[She actually laughs at his question. She gives him an amused glance, despite the topic she brings up next.] I'm really good at being kidnapped, in case you haven't noticed.

video;

[you_dont_work_alone]

Are you really buying that? The 'real world' thing?

[And he looks a bit more carefully.]

Were you injured?

video;

[compulsions]

It's some kind of world.

[Semantics, really.]

Let's just say someone's hand slipped.

video;

[you_dont_work_alone]

Oh, I see.

[A little dispute, then. Well, an injury like that doesn't need any real treatment beyond some personal care.]

Some kind, I suppose. But zombies? It's just ridiculous.

video;

[compulsions]

You sound a lot more like you're trying to convince yourself than me.

text;

[speculates]

You believe we're fictional?
What weapon did they give you?

-SH

text;

[compulsions]

I believe in sarcasm.

[Seriously, was he supposed to make physical air quotes around the phrase "real world"?]

A lawnmower. You?

text;

[speculates]

Oh good. [ good to see some people weren't taking that nonsense seriously. though in sherlock's defense, he did have to ask. most people he'd dealt with were too insecure and simple to not question their existence. ]

Brass knuckles. Utterly useless against the 'creatures' here; probably what our hosts wanted. Handgun came with me when they pulled me out of London.

have you seen the 'zombies' yet?

-SH

[Audio]

[runsonbatteries]

Big ghost town. No Internet.

I give it a negative seventy-five.

[Audio]

[compulsions]

What, not a negative seventy-six?

[Audio]

[runsonbatteries]

We can always sit down and come up with a point system. All we need to do is calculate the numeric value of bullshit.

Speaking of which: cold showers should deduct at least two hundred from that previous score. [He's not looking forward to trying to shave for the duration of this pointless little trip, either.] Where does that leave us?