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[That may or may not be a very faint bruise across the bridge of his nose. Elena's arm swing is a little stronger than it used to be and apparently he bruises now which is perfect.]

So how's being in the real world working out for everyone? Scale of zero to zero.

Remember, don't hurt yourselves with those brand new toys.

[Especially you, Elena.]

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Damon? [Any familiar face is a good face. Kinda. Sorta.]

[Guess it's nice he had the surprise of Mr. Emotionless Ripper himself, otherwise hearing (and seeing? What the hell, video phones) another vampire who is terribly familiar (and somewhat unwanted) would surprise him.

Okay. It still kind of does. Alaric even hesitates to respond, a) because he's still pissed, shitty apology or not, and b) ... he's still pissed. It's a good enough excuse. But. Devil that you know and all that.

Also, survival.]

Your brother almost shot me in the head.

Caroline. [Apocalypse blondie. Well, it could've been the other one. There's only the vaguest hint of surprise to see her before it vanishes.] Missing your curlers yet?

[Glare. Nevermind. Your face is not welcome, Damon. But it's better than nothing. Arms crossing and moving on.] Are you the only one here? I mean... have you seen anyone else?

[—Rick? Great. That's just what they need right now. Thing is, Rick's face should've been welcome, but psychotic and undead? Not so much.]

Your tone indicates I'm supposed to think that doesn't even things out. You know. Barely.

[He'd love to know what he did to deserve a bolt to the face.

Also, seriously? Hearing this from the guy who killed him a week ago makes him want to throw the freaking phone.] Even things out? Between the two of you, that's not gonna happen.

[Glare met with a brief flash of classic smugness.]

Elena's here. You? And if you answer yes, please tell me it's someone useful like Bonnie and not [anyone else in Mystic Falls, possibly minus Stefan] ...the quarterback.

[She wants to slap that smugness. Now is not the time! There are zombies about!

But when he says Elena's name, her expression softens with relief and she shakes her head swiftly.] You're the first person I've seen from home. [She can't help adding.] And his name is Matt, by the way.

[Stefan feels his heart stop when he sees his brother's face on his phone. The dryly sarcastic cadence of his voice, sharpened by decades of bitterness. It's him, without a doubt, and if this is Damon and that's Caroline and Alaric is skulking around elsewhere...]

Is she here?

Where is Stefan, anyway? It sounds like you decided to leave him alive.

[God knows why. He'd say to protect Elena, no doubt, but Rick can't know Elena is here.]

[Damon promptly ignores that that addendum.]

Where are you? You're not still wandering around there waiting to get eaten, are you?

[Not that he's concerned. Obviously not. But Elena would be, so.]

[There's a few seconds of blank staring at the screen, his brows creasing.]

What the hell are you talking about? [He knows Damon's jokes, believe him. Didn't sound like one, and it was crappy either way.] He's around. Still a dick, by the way.

[They can ignore half of what each other says.]

The park. [Actually the mall but she's so not playing into his hands on that.] And I have a shotgun.

Yes, Stefan. Your girlfriend is here.

[The furrowed brow has Damon giving one of his own. His eyes narrow.]

You know what.

[Whatever. If Rick (Alaric, since they're not friends anymore) wants to play stupid, what does he care? He doesn't even know why he's continuing this conversation. It's the longest he's talked to Rick without getting his face kicked in.]

Edited 2012-07-06 18:30 (UTC)

[He is seriously not made for this right now. Things were bad enough back home (back home, like it's not supposed to be fictional, like this is just a Wizard of Oz trip), but he can't deal with both Salvatores being unhelpful assholes when he has about a week and a day to life off of what's in his bag. If that.

In the middle of a decimated city, he might add.]

If I knew what, I wouldn't be asking. [He looks away from the phone, exasperated. After a sigh and a shift of his hair with a hand, he's fine. Sure. He can still see Stefan from here, looking over the place. Kingswater. Right.] Where are you? Stefan seems to think I have Damon-radar.

[!!! OVER PROTECTIVE TEACHER SENSES TINGLING. Thank god these stupid things are public or whatever, because he needs to know who's here, who he can trust. Knowing one of his students is here (vampire or not) is... it sucks.

Still. He should know better than to underestimate her.]

Caroline. It's great to see you and all, but - [Important questions first.] Where did you get a shotgun?

[Do you even know how to use one?]

[Oh. Ric. You.

Normally, she'd be happy and bubbly to see you but seeing as you tortured her and tried to get Elena to kill her... Oh, and that whole trying to wipe out their whole vampire line--] Are you being sarcastic? Because it doesn't sound like it. [You know on the whole 'good to see you' thing.] And I was given the shot gun. [And I'll use it.]

Edited 2012-07-06 18:41 (UTC)

[There's a small part of him that wonders if everyone is taking crazy pills. Besides Stefan, he means.]

Sarcastic in the way it'd actually be good to see you if we weren't in a post-apocalyptic mess, sure. [Given it. In the bag, like his... his sais? Right. All the vampires get good, long-range weapons and he gets knives.

Hilarious.] Are you okay?

She's not anything to me. [The response is automatic, with a sharp enough snap in it to belie any pretense that he doesn't care anymore. This is not good. He should've given himself more time before replying, more time to collect himself, but all he feels is anger over being here and annoyance over Alaric's company and a sudden rising panic as he wonders where Klaus is.

Stefan's finger brushes over the button to cut the call, but it's already too late. This conversation is public. Running out now would say more than staying and bantering pointlessly, so he forces himself to get a grip and change the subject.]

Did you read the pamphlets?

[Wait, Stefan's still there? He is. Damon can see him just over Alaric's shoulder. What the hell is Stefan doing hanging out with Rick? Better question: what is Rick doing hanging out with Stefan? Look, he knows now isn't the time to divide and die, but still.

Mostly, though, it's the exasperated sigh that tips him off. The one Rick has a habit of doing when he's just given up on arguing. It's not exactly indicative of homicidal vampire hunting behavior. Damon's brows furrow further.]

Rick?

Do you mean have I recovered from you kidnapping, torturing, and trying to kill me? [Scowl. Arms crossing over chest.] Yeah, I'm fine. Now I'm stuck in some freaky bad dream and I can't wake up.

[Sorry Ric.]

[Okay, a familiar face! One that doesn't want to kill her or isn't a total dick. Yay!]

Stefan!

[Well. That's a good way to drive genuine confusion from him.]

What are you talking about?

Uh. Yeah?

[Okay. While his instincts aren't so crappy that he can't notice that Something Is Wrong, no one's exactly spilling the beans and - since when is Stefan the only person not being weird around him?]

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